I don’t know how to start writing, what are the right words to say? Are these the wrong words to say but they feel so right…? What will they think, will they misinterpret it? This time I am just going to write, not think about what words to change or what thoughts to edit because when you change something so much, it ends up not being what you had originally wrote. Perhaps I’ll never be able to write like Sylvia Plath, Victor Hugo, Charlotte Bronte, Jane Austen, or the thousands of authors who created beautiful sentences, words that voice the feelings you have. No, I’ll never be able to do that and I’ll never be able to take legendary pictures, create a timeless film, or think as deeply as I would like to but somehow, for some reason, I think that is okay.
I’ve been longing for autumn for what seems to be ages, like a person who as walked through a scorching desert for a year without a drop of water. I miss the warmth of the season, the steaming apple cider, changing colors, fallen leaves that create a blanket of deep oranges and brilliant reds, and steps lined with glowing pumpkins but in the city, there is only one season. Everyday of the year is monotonous and the only aspect in terms of weather that changes is the temperature but since there is a constant humidity lingering, there is this uncomfortable warmth. Perhaps I have grown weary of the city from waking up before sunrise to ride on dirty, jungle-like subway carts to breathing in pollution instead of clean air and coming home thinking what is the point to have to fight everyday in order to live in this city.
While I stare out of the scratched windows of the subway and watched the red dots on the map slowly dwindle as each stop passes by, I dream of instead walking to school in a world of fiery red, burnt orange trees as pumpkins slowly begin to gather by people’s doorsteps.
I suppose you never truly appreciate what you have and always dream of some other place.
I’m sorry if this is not very positive, I just need an outlet to release my thoughts… I needed to be honest. Thank you.